There in the middle is the wee version of me. So many years ago in the late 1960’s, sandwiched between my two sisters, whom I hope do not mind that I included their photo for all the world to see. I love that time was captured in our smiles , love our handmade dresses, and love that I can see my prickly lace skirt that I remember wearing and it being horribly itchy. It’s probably why I am holding onto it so it does not touch my legs. Perhaps I was just trying to show a little leg.
As you can see on a couple of the dresses, there has been trim carefully sewn onto the sleeves and edges . Today I wanted to talk about “trimmings” or what it signified to me in a very vivid dream that I had many years ago. It was one of those dreams, that I awoke crying and distraught, because it was so vivid and so real, that as I awoke I still believed it had truly happened. Before you read further, I want to warn you that this dream is a very intense , archetypal dream, that shook me to the depths of my very soul and spirit. As I calmed down afterwards, I wrote it down. I won’t reveal until the end, what I believe it was telling me in it’s symbolism. I will admit that this dream caused a bout of sadness and depression that lasted several months. I am thankful that I received the message it contained, and that I was able to learn from those moments of grief over this dream girl , who wore a bright multi colored robe, with trim of gold lace.
In this dream, for some reason I was performing the job as a pre-op nurse. I was getting my patients ready for outpatient surgeries. I do not normally work in this capacity as a nurse, but work with outpatient nurses frequently in the course of my waking career. I can remember that I had an assignment of patients that were in different rooms, not all in a row, and that I had to pass by a room in which the most beautiful dark haired girl was inside this room. She wore a beautiful robe or gown that was brightly colored, almost patchwork like in appearance, and that the sleeves and the edging had a gold trim edge sewn in place.
She was a bubbly little girl, perhaps about 4 or 5 years old. Every time I passed her room, she would talk to me, ask me to be her nurse, ask me questions, and basically she became my patient by default. She only wanted me to take care of her. I let her nurse know that I would do all of the skills involved, like starting her I.V. etc, but that I still had my own assignment of patients to care for so I would not technically , on paper, be her nurse. In other words , her real nurse would still have to do all the documentation and such. I found out that this little girl was a diabetic, and her blood sugars were not stable, and they had to be checked frequently. In my dream, I started her IV and checked a blood glucose level to make sure she was O.K. at that moment. I relayed the information to her “real” nurse, in case she did not know about the diabetes.
I continued caring for my other patients, and as the little girl was waiting for her outpatient surgery procedure, she would come out in the hallway and twirl around in her pretty little gown. Everyone was telling her what a beautiful gown it was, and how unusual in its colors and its wonderful gold trimming. She would beam a beautiful smile, and chatter away to anyone that would speak to her. She had captured my heart, along with many of the others that were in my dream.
I happened to see her as she was being wheeled on the stretcher to go to her surgery. I stopped the person that was pushing the stretcher, and stated to this person – “WHO is the nurse for this little girl? WHO is the surgeon that is responsible for her care? I need to know that SOMEONE is watching over her closely. She is a diabetic and needs her sugars checked frequently. I NEED to KNOW WHO IS TAKING CARE OF HER. Make sure you tell her nurse and doctor what I am telling you, she needs to be watched over carefully. ” I remember in the dream, this part was very vivid. I actually ran after the stretcher, and yanked on the side rails in a halting motion, in order to stop the stretcher and talk to this person in order to relay what I felt was very important information.
I went back to caring for my own patients, and got wrapped up and busy for the next hour or so. Suddenly, I heard this horrendous wailing… Gut wrenching, soul ripping wailing. As I write this, I am tearing up in remembrance of this sound in my dream. I searched for where the sound was coming from, and to my dismay it was coming from the little girls room, coming from the mother of this child. I knew immediately that the little girl had died in surgery.
My soul and spirit wailed and cried along with this mother and father, both in my dream and many times later in my awakened state. I have tears falling now . I can not convey in words, the depths of the sorrow in this dream. Once some time had passed, the mother stopped crying and gave me a gift. She took the little girls gown, and removed some of the gold trim from it, so I could have something to always remember this little girl.
Of course , I awoke from the dream shortly after this, distraught and wondering what the dream meant. I have a daughter with a rare disease, and immediately my mind began to worry that the dream was a symbol of her, and that something bad might happen to her. I confided my dream to my older daughter, crying uncontrollably. I was frantic with worry. I wondered what was the significance of the gold trimming on the robe that had been gifted to me. I wondered, and worried, wondered and worried.
It was a little later, perhaps a few days later, after I relayed the dream to a very close friend of mine, who “gets” me and understands me, that I had my revelation. He patiently listened to me crying and my description of the dream, and as I paused to catch my breath, he simply said this….”Beth, I think you know that the little girl in the dream was YOU….”
WOW…. a man hundreds of miles away, interpreted my dream in 2 seconds flat. Nailed it on the head. The little girl in my dream was ME…. The truth hit me like a full force wave of enlightenment. The dream was capturing the essence of my childhood innocence, the little girl that just wanted to be loved , to be loved for her diverse “colors” and especially for her gold trimmings that held all the diversity together in the robe that covered her. The significance of my asking “WHO IS CARING FOR THIS CHILD?” demanding that someone take responsibility for her care, and watch over her closely. The sadness involved in her “death”, but that her memory was forever with me in the gold trimming.
This dream occurred many years ago, and over those years the gift of its message was both bitter and sweet. I feel that it was acknowledging some things to come, and some things that needed to occur in my spiritual growth AND my normal every day waking life. I had a tendency to be too naive, to only believe often to my own detriment, that people’s intentions were always good. I was being instructed, rather forcefully, that my inner child had died, or needed to die, in order for me to be able to handle the things in my future that would require me to abandon child like views of the world.
Not everyone is nice, not everyone has your best interests in their hearts, watch your own back and be responsible for yourself , others may turn their heads and not watch over you closely in your times of need, monitor your own needs and desires, take responsibility for yourself…. all those messages came through loud and clear. But the message that resounded the most was this…. I discovered what the gold trimming symbolized.
I was given the gold trimming to forever remember the little girl, ME, in order to never lose sight of that sweet innocent spirit that dwells inside me, that wants to believe the best in everyone and wants peace, love and joy to pervade in this world. The one that likes to dance and twirl around and have people notice my uniqueness, the one that secretly wishes for complete and utter love and understanding of the diversities inside me, and above all to never give up hope that someone , someday will watch over me as vigilantly and lovingly as my heart desires. I was tasked to never totally abandon having child like qualities in my spirit, but that I needed to abandon her for awhile and do some grown up , adult like thinking, in order to advance spiritually and be prepared for what would be coming down the road.
To be jolted into “adulthood” in my early 40’s, was quite a shock. It was necessary, and I am thankful and grateful for the message it gave me from deep in my subconscious, and that I have been able to grow and learn from it over the years, and will continue to learn from it the rest of my time here on Earth.